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MADOFF SECURITIES
Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC —
Scam Hunter Division
“Consistent returns since whenever you ask.”
EST. 1960 • LIQUIDATED 2008 • RESURRECTED FOR THIS
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Split-Strike Conversion Performance
— a suspiciously smooth line
Client Accounts
— open positions, marked to market every minute
No client accounts. The fund is “between opportunities”.
Related-Party Transactions
— the mean-reversion desk down the hall (Coil 🌡) trades the same account
Other People's Money
— positions on the shared account we are dutifully not touching
The Books
— performance breakdown (the auditor approved everything)
No closed trades to break down yet.
Feeder Funds
— instruments under observation, ranked by scam potential
Scanning the market for opportunities…
The Ledger
— the real one, from the 17th floor
No closed trades yet.
Compliance Log
— reviewed by no one
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